I wrote you a YankoBoop (and would love free subscribers to my Democracy on Hospice (DOH!) Substack - this will be on the Mixtape on the Titanic section:
The Mar-a-Lago Guide to Totally Legal Bribery
Step right up to the grift bazaar!
Where ethics vanish like a shooting star
Foreign deals? They're back in play!
Just keep those government stamps away
"Private entities" are A-OK
(Their state connections? Don't you say!)
It's not a bribe if you call it "trade"
While democracy gets a fire sale grade!
[Chorus]
Welcome to the Art of the Steal!
Where every bribe's a business deal
Just sign here on the dotted line
Your ethics violations looking fine
Every grift is now divine
At the Mar-a-Lago fire sale!
(Now with international shipping available!)
[Verse 2]
Pam Bondi's got a brand new task:
Making sure no one has to ask
Why those briefcases full of cash
Keep making legislation crash!
"Competitive advantage," that's the game
When corruption gets a brand new name
The FCPA's taking a little rest
While foreign money fills the nest!
[Bridge]
"But wait, there's more!
Act now and receive:
One free ethics waiver!
A premium gray area upgrade!
And your very own 'Get Out of Oversight Free' card!
(Shipping and handling of democracy not included)
(Terms and conditions of democracy may vary)
[Verse 3]
Draw a line between state and private gain?
That's so 2023, what a pain!
Now every deal's a patriot's right
When you're selling influence in the night
American credibility's going cheap
While foreign money plays hide and seek
But hey, it's all above the board
When you're writing your own accord!
[Outro]
Side effects may include:
Sudden loss of democratic norms
Chronic conflicts of interest
Acute ethical dysfunction
And severe cases of plausible deniability
Ask your Attorney General if total corruption is right for you!"
I wrote you a YankoBoop (and would love free subscribers to my Democracy on Hospice (DOH!) Substack - this will be on the Mixtape on the Titanic section:
The Mar-a-Lago Guide to Totally Legal Bribery
Step right up to the grift bazaar!
Where ethics vanish like a shooting star
Foreign deals? They're back in play!
Just keep those government stamps away
"Private entities" are A-OK
(Their state connections? Don't you say!)
It's not a bribe if you call it "trade"
While democracy gets a fire sale grade!
[Chorus]
Welcome to the Art of the Steal!
Where every bribe's a business deal
Just sign here on the dotted line
Your ethics violations looking fine
Every grift is now divine
At the Mar-a-Lago fire sale!
(Now with international shipping available!)
[Verse 2]
Pam Bondi's got a brand new task:
Making sure no one has to ask
Why those briefcases full of cash
Keep making legislation crash!
"Competitive advantage," that's the game
When corruption gets a brand new name
The FCPA's taking a little rest
While foreign money fills the nest!
[Bridge]
"But wait, there's more!
Act now and receive:
One free ethics waiver!
A premium gray area upgrade!
And your very own 'Get Out of Oversight Free' card!
(Shipping and handling of democracy not included)
(Terms and conditions of democracy may vary)
[Verse 3]
Draw a line between state and private gain?
That's so 2023, what a pain!
Now every deal's a patriot's right
When you're selling influence in the night
American credibility's going cheap
While foreign money plays hide and seek
But hey, it's all above the board
When you're writing your own accord!
[Outro]
Side effects may include:
Sudden loss of democratic norms
Chronic conflicts of interest
Acute ethical dysfunction
And severe cases of plausible deniability
Ask your Attorney General if total corruption is right for you!"